Why is it that when people are most depressed, they tend to write stupid stuff - like me now.
It's not like i'm terribly upset over something.. It's just that i need that excitement in my life, i need everyday challenges, please besides academics ( Which I hope it will just pass with flying colors without me worrying about it, but never happens) I need something more....

Do i feel the burden of age catching up with me? Maybe

I know that I cannot always depend on others, that if you dont wanna work, no one's gonna force you and u can just rot and die without anyone giving a damn. That if you dont pass your own fucking bill your credit card is going to charge you a fee, or if you overdraft that debit card you have to pay 28 bucks per transaction mind you. Or paying more bills like that expensive handphone bill which costs me 50bucks every month. ( Oh yea, everything i say here is in USD) Then u think about buying a car, ( oh i so love to drive) there is the fucking insurance, tranfer fee, licence plate etc etc ... man the hidden cost can kill...

Then you really learn about the marvels of online shopping, how ebay is REALLY the cheapest. Oh wait then comes living in your own apartment ( which i'm doing next sem), worry about the utilities, water,gas,heater,trash disposal,cable,internet etc etc which you have to do as well on top of studying. Sometimes i feel all these administrative stuff kills more than studying..

Good thing you have friends. Really i think that when you uproot yourself out of the country and throw yourself totally into a different environment, friends esp good friends are hard to find and keep and have to be treasured. In times of need, what can your family or friends back home 20,000 miles away do for you? Nothing, absolutely nothing. It's strange as well how life can bring you places, put people who scar and love you, make you happy with a tinge of sadness. That is life isnt it? cest la vie? Bitter-sweet it has been every step of the way.

I think of people who made me who i am today, shaped my life, character, thoght processes. In a way I am thankful for a famous man once said" you are the sum of your experiences" and i will never forget that. Many have come and gone, and still more who will be coming and going, I can only hope that I run a good race in life, make it fulfilling and justify my existence.

Money is always a problem, therefore I will attempt to change my fate. Every step of the way is only one goal, to buy watever i want, to live my life to my desires. Isn't it such a fucking pain in the arse when you think about al the good stuff you can have and then all thoughts come crashing to nil when you think about where your family comes from and how much money you have in that pathetic bank account? I've always dreamed of being born in a family where i am fed with a silver spoon, having the good life. Fuck that! Life aint fair man.

So good grades, and getting myself outta the rat race is of utmost importance to me now. I say auvoir. peace